I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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