have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
