im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
