Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
