I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
