when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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