Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please, let me fuck your mom
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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