I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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