is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
