listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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