im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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