why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
