We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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