I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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