Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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