i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can you bring me the toilet please
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
