I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A bitchslap is in order.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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