im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
