i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
