someone threw a dead crab at me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
