dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
