so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
