Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
