left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
