she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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