There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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