He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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