At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
