On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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