i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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