ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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