hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize