This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
