yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to make a zoo with you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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