I just cut my nipple shaving
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
