If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize