She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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