I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry about my life...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
