someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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