I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
