Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
