Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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