well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
