you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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