So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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