i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
