I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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