The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
