Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
