How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
