i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
