I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
