Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
