My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
