Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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