i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize