Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Found the puke drawer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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