The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
