It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
