Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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