Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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