I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
