I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
