2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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