just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
