if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
