You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
