Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize