the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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