the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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