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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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