Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
