What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
