So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
